


Barely Breathing

by stars28



Series: Short Poe/Finn Fics [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love, sad!poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe goes on a lot of missions – he’s in the Resistance, of course he goes on missions – but what he doesn’t think about is his breaking heart and the reason. (The reason is Finn. It was always Finn.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barely Breathing

_“What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?_  
_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?_  
_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_  
_I'm falling to pieces...”_  
**\- Breakeven, The Script.**

* * *

[Poe! You should be in bed! You are hurt!] BB-8 beeped, rolling in a small circle by the door.

“Yes, I know that BB,” Poe said to the circular droid, continuing to get dressed despite BB-8’s shrill objections, “But I’m better now.”

Once he was dressed, he turned to the droid and knelt down by it, fixing its bent antenna, saying, “I’m fine BB. I want to get back out there.”  
Poe resolutely ignored the disbelieving beep that came from his droid, and went to sign himself of the med-bay, limping. He needed to convince the med-droids that he was fine, and could pilot his X-wing despite the healing gash on the lower half of his left leg.

(He didn’t think about _why_ he was being so stubborn. He didn’t.)

* * *

That night, Poe dreamed. He dreamed of a world where Finn was his, and he was Finn’s, a world where they were boyfriends, a world where they _loved_ each other. A world that he knew could never exist.

* * *

When Poe woke up, he knew he needed to get himself on a mission, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. He needed to get off D’Qar, away from Finn and Rey and their happiness. He needed to… _run_. But he would never abandon Leia, nor would he abandon the Resistance. Not even when his heart was breaking on a daily basis. He didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things; what mattered was beating the First Order Assholes.

“C’mon BB. Let’s get ourselves a mission.” He said, pushing the pain of his leg to the back of his mind.

[You are not well! You need rest.]

“I slept last night. I’m rested.” Poe grinned, heading towards the door. He wasn’t thinking about the dream he’d had last night.

[Not what I meant!] BB-8 beeped and then did the droid equivalent of a sigh, rolling after him.

* * *

“Dameron! Didn’t expect to see you here!” Jess called.

Poe smiled, it was good to be back in the hanger, “Well, I’m better now. What’s the next mission?”

[Poe should not be here. He needs more rest.]

“Shush BB. It’s just one mission.”

[It won’t be.]

Poe knew his droid was right, but he couldn’t care less as he did the pre-flight checks on his X-wing. He needed to get out of the base.

* * *

_“Dameron!”_

Poe blinked sluggishly. His head hurt. What had happened? Where was he? The ceiling above him was a familiar grey colour. He was in the med-bay. Again. He’d only just escaped.

“W-what?” He said – and ow, talking hurt his throat, like there were knives slicing on the inside. (But then, that’s how it felt whenever he thought about or talked to Finn, so he was used to the feeling.)

_“Poe!”_

Bantha fodder. It was Finn. (Because it’s always been Finn, ever since he broke Poe out of the _Finalizer_.)

“Hey buddy,” Poe said, smiling at Finn, “How are you?”

Finn gaped, “How am I? _How am I?_ I’m not the one who got shot down.”

Poe’s vague memories of how he ended up in the med-bay this time came back to him. Jess getting hit, him hitting the First Order back twice as hard, getting himself hit, him thinking that maybe it was better this way, and his squadron coming back for him.

“What’s the damage?” Poe asked, just as a med-droid rolled up.

[You’ve got a broken leg, in addition to two cracked ribs and a fractured shoulder.] The med-droid explained, just as Rey and BB-8 burst into the room.

“Damn. I guess I’m not getting in an X-wing in a hurry.”

[No, Mr Dameron, you are not.] The med-droid said before moving away.

[Poe! You are seriously injured!] BB-8 squealed, banging against Finn’s chair to get as close to Poe as possible.

“Thanks for that BB, as if I didn’t already know.” Poe smiled, forcing a smile onto his face when he saw the way that Finn and Rey were holding hands. Their love for each other was blindingly obvious and it hurt Poe’s chest to be so near them.

He closed his eyes and pretended that he couldn’t hear their quiet whispers to each other. It hurt more than his broken leg.

* * *

“Commander.”

Poe looked up from his datapad. If he wasn’t able to fly, then he was going to help their cause in other ways, like now he was checking the diagnostics that had been ran on his X-wing. It needed a lot of work before it was flyable again. He blinked, and said respectfully, “General.”

“Poe. I know what you’re doing.” She said, sitting on the chair next to his bed.

“Do you?” He replied quietly, putting the datapad down, letting his hands clasp the blankets uselessly, and looking at her.

“Yes,” She placed one of her hands over Poe’s, “And let me tell you, it will end in you dying. I don’t want to have to tell Finn and Rey that you died. Don’t let yourself die because of a broken heart Poe.”

Poe blinked furiously against the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks, “But they’re so happy with each other. They don’t need me.”

“While that may be true, you are still their friend, you are still the one that helped them acclimatise to the base. Don’t let this change that.”

Poe squeezed Leia’s hand for a final time before withdrawing it, telling her, “I need to think.”

“Of course you do. I’ll see you later flyboy.”

Once Leia had left, the tears fell down Poe’s cheeks and helpless sobs shook his body silently. He was pathetically glad no one was here to see him break down. He was Poe Dameron, hotshot pilot of the Resistance, not Poe Dameron, the broken-hearted pilot who wanted to let himself die in battle. He’d never kill himself, but if he was to get into a situation where he was dying, he didn’t feel like he would do much to stop it.

(He wasn’t.)

* * *

[Poe! You’re walking!]

Poe smiled helplessly, slowly walking towards the orange and white droid, “Yeah I am. Are you pleased?”

[Yes! I need to tell Friend-Finn and Friend-Rey!] It beeped happily, wheeling around to shoot out of the door again.

“Wait! BB-8 wait!” Poe said, “Don’t tell them yet, ok? It’s a surprise.”

[Surprise for Friend-Finn and Friend-Rey? Good?]

“Yeah buddy. It’s a good surprise.”

[Good surprise!]

Poe laughed at the amount of happiness in his droid’s beeps. He almost forgot about the pain in his heart.

* * *

“Be careful Poe.” Finn said, giving Poe a quick hug.

Poe laughed half-heartedly, “You know I will.”

He picked his helmet up off the concrete and put it one before climbing up the ladder to the cockpit. BB-8 was staying at the base for this mission. It wouldn’t take long. Half a day max. Except for one little fact.

That fact was: Poe had no intention of coming back. (He didn’t _say_ that to anyone.)

* * *

Space was always there for him. It didn’t care that he was in love with Finn, nor did it care that Poe’s heart broke every time he saw Rey and Finn together.

Poe smiled even as his ship was engulfed in flames, as direct result of taking fire from a hit from a TIE fighter that was now circling back around to shoot at him again. Pressing a button, he turned the comm on.

“Hello?” He said, hoping that someone would pick up.

_“Dameron?”_

It was Leia.

“Leia. I’m not going to make it back from this.”

 _“Poe, what are you talking about?”_ Leia’s voice was sharp.

“I mean, I’m going to die.” Poe said, closing his eyes as the TIE fighter came into view, “Just…just tell Finn that I loved him and that he can keep the jacket. Tell Rey to love him with all her heart. She can have BB-8, if she wants.”

_“No Poe, give me your coordinates! We can get you back! Damer-“_

Poe’s voice was a whisper as he said, “I don’t want to come back Leia.”

He didn’t care; he couldn’t live with a broken heart any longer.

The comm gave up as Poe’s X-wing exploded.

**Author's Note:**

> Now that I've started writing Poe/Finn, I can't stop. Whoops?
> 
> Kudos/comments are always welcome!


End file.
